Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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