Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize