Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
