HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
