Already got asked if we're dating
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
