she was so not down for the gang bang
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
