then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We left an ass print on the piano.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your cock deserves a montage
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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