I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
