seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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