mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
