Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
