sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Houston, we have a squirter
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
