Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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