My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
