Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
