Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
