Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
