one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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