I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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