i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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