I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
