He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
