she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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