lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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