Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
