You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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