my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
