she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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