You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
