I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
