We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
