im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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