remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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