Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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