you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
