I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
