he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
