my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
