Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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