That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
