Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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