but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
