you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
