Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
