I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
