Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
