I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
