oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
