I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
