I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
