I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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