1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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