the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
